Monday, June 22, 2009
This weekend I had a heavy heart.
Very rarely do I blog about the infertility struggle my husband and I face. Not that I am ashamed or embarrassed by our situation. Had blogging been around 10+ years ago when we began this infertility odyssey, I'm sure I would have found blogging to be a very therapeutic outlet. But it wasn't, and since I have been blessed twice over I tend to blog about my sweet daughter and son and gloss over all of our pregnancy drama. But back to this weekend.
Each day, my little ones love to go to the mailbox to check for mail. On Saturday afternoon, my precious in vitro miracle said, "Mommy, there's a box in the mailbox, but I can't get it out." Immediately I grew excited. What could be in there? A belated birthday gift for Daddy? A surprise for my little ones? Free samples for Mommy?
It was free samples, alright. A big box of Similac formula. My heart stopped...skipped a beat...the wind knocked out of me. You see, this 4th of July we were expecting a new baby; only it wasn't meant to be. Last December I miscarried around the 11-week mark. So, difficult Christmas...difficult 4th of July.
And yet, there is so much to be thankful for. So much that I have been given and blessed with. And this morning my heart is lighter. As I went to photograph the box of formula for this post (b/c that's what we bloggers do...photograph everything) I couldn't find the box. My sweet, sweet husband must have hidden/disposed of the painful reminder of what's not meant to be. Perhaps his heart was a bit heavy too this Father's Day weekend.