Friday, March 20, 2020

The Gift of Time

Imagine during the middle of your grief...a pandemic occurs.

Life feels surreal in so many ways.

Yet, I know it is how I respond to these stressors (that all of us are experiencing) that will determine how my own children develop grit and resiliency.



None of us are born "resilient"...yet, many of us fare far better than others when life hands us the unexpected...a job loss, a breakup, a miscarriage...the death of a parent as a child...and for the first time in our lives...a pandemic.

These situations can be soul-crushing.  Nobody denies that.  But how do we respond when handed these situations?  That's what separates us into different levels of resiliency.

It is so important that we do not place judgment as to one's response to these life-shattering events.  Rather, we need to recognize grief expresses itself in many different ways.  Some of those ways are more healthy than others.




That is why good mental health support is so vital.  Especially for children..when life hands them horrific circumstances beyond their control.  They need to be given the tools to help them feel back in control of their emotions...to feel safe and secure...to feel loved unconditionally regardless of their behavior (which is merely a response to grief).

AND that is why as adults, we need access to good mental health support as well.

Because my children are taking their cues from me...



Many have reached out to ask how my children are doing.  The answer is...they are doing well.  That is not to say they aren't grieving or expressing grief in different ways...they're all at different developmental stages...but we are managing our grief appropriately.  We do not fault one another for unexpected or inappropriate outbursts...rather we allow each other to express emotions rather than bottle them up.  We allow conversations about Dad to keep his memory alive.  I allow questions about heart attacks, death, Heaven...

...and in the middle of our grief, we have been handed the gift of time.  Time to slow down...to actually sit with our grief and mourn...heal...confront it and not avoid it with a myriad of after-school activities or homework.



My children and I are surrounded by an amazing support system of family and friends.  They are so very compassionate and generous and, they too, are helping us in our time of need.  Thank you to each and everyone of you that has offered us assistance and/or prayers.  They are most welcome and very much appreciated.


3 comments:

  1. Well said my friend. I am glad to hear that you guys are doing well.
    It is a tough time for all and especially for the four of you. Time
    to slow down has been one of the best things in this whole mess.
    Still trying to "be still" but I am working on it.

    Take care my friend, and call or text if you need anything.

    M : )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, sweet friend! We are long overdue for our annual summer lunch...just as soon as social distancing is over!!! Hugs

      Delete
  2. So sad to see your posts. My heart and prayers are with you and your children. May their father's memory be for a blessing.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Your kind words are appreciated! As Mother Teresa said, "Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love."

Valerie